Lonely

I swallow my pain so that you won’t taste it.

I don’t want you to know it’s bitter taste. 

I hide crying eyes so that you won’t see them. 

I won’t let you see through to their depths.

I’m afraid to be alone but I keep myself lonely. 

I fear you won’t understand. I had such a love and I lost it. 

There’s a hole in me that is boy sized. Even though he died a man. 

How can I share such a part of me with someone who never even shook his hand? 

Am I destined to always be lonely? To walk this journey alone? 

Unheld, unlovable, broken. Who would help me  to pick up the pieces of a life so broken by death?

I am afraid to be alone but I keep myself lonely. 

I know you wouldn’t understand. It’s not a replacement I’m needing only someone who will let me tell. Of the stories that keep him alive in this heart he know so well.

He was the one who heard it beating while he was inside. He was the one I call “first love” 

I am afraid to alone. I’m lonely and I can’t tell; If there is anyone out there, who isn’t afraid to meet me and spend some time in my hell. 

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2 thoughts on “Lonely

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